Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
