I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
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