Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
