my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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