I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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