remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
