you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
