Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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