This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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