god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Randomize
