I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
