your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
