We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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