oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
