I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
