Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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