I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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