She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
