Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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