i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
