there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
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