i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
