There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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