I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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