dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
