I should be sponsored by Trojan
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
