I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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