I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
