peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
