I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
