I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
