You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
