Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
