Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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