he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
