420 ftw
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I think a kid would responsible me up
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
