It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
