I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
