well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
