dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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