I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
