Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
