You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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