This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Boobs speak an international language.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
