i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
