i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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