I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
