thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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