Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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