Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
